Pahiyom

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Pahiyom is the Visayan term for smile.

I've just learned this a few hours ago when a co member from our Expressive Arts Therapy group offered me a cut out paper with a note that said, "I need pahiyom everyday". According to her, she gave it to me as a gift because I need it the most among all the people who attended the session. My current situation has called for me to be strong and to be a grown up. I'm little in stature and the weight of the world keeps pulling me down. It's hard but I'm trying my best.

I'm not used to sharing my problems with other people. I'm not used to showing any signs of weakness and vulnerability. To cry in front of people would make me feel weak and defeated. However, all my defenses had crumbled when I told a sweet lady that I wished my mom was more like her. It sounds so corny but I meant every word I said. She kissed my cheek and smiled. How could you not feel even more teary eyed with a scene like that? How come this total stranger willingly accepts and holds me in her arms and my own mother can't even do that for me? I realized then how much I'm burdened by that reality.

Can a person still smile with a broken heart?

I can. At the end of the day I make it a point to continue on with life and keep smiling even if it hurts. My friends can't even tell when I'm bothered by something until I tell them. I've learned the art of portraying the perfect poker face. See, I have realized that whatever your emotion is, you mirror it around you. I'd rather be happy and have the world be happy with me. Don't you?

I know it's never going to be easy to just smile and not let things get you down. But one should always remember that there are more things in life much in need to be thankful for. When you learn to embrace the dark nights of your life, you will appreciate more the lightness of the day. Healing starts with acceptance and with acceptance you will learn to look back on your past without bitterness or resentment.

So now I accept that I have a dysfunctional family. I accept the hardships I am going through. I accept that the strong persona I show is only a facade. I accept that I am weak and I'll need help once in awhile. I accept the imperfectness of my being. And now, I am healing.

Keep the positivity in you flowing! Pahiyom my friend, smile everyday!

~myeviltwin