Mamma Mia

Mom, please love me for me.

She lies in bed, consumed by the darkness and the dead eerie silence of the night. Around this time she contemplates about her life. She smiled thinking of how her day went with her friends yesterday. She's sincerely happy for the moment. Almost at lost in her reminiscing she then stopped before she'd drown in her fantasy. And then a heavy sigh followed, all the happiness disappeared as quickly as it had surfaced. 

Earlier in the day she had another fight with her mother. The type of argument where you would think the senseless bickering would never end. The angst she felt just flowed freely in her veins. There is a saying that goes, she remembered, that no other person in the world could love you more than your own mother. For a mother's love is unconditional. A mother's love is pure and powerful beyond compare. Then if that is so, she thought, my own mother cannot love me for what I am. She stares at the unknown distance, starts to tear up and alone inside the four walls of her room, she hears the slowly beating sound of her broken heart. My mom just does not understand me, she continued thinking. She only sees what she wants to see. And sadly, the only thing she does really take in are the memories of my past and present mistakes. More so, she even assumes the future mistakes I will commit. I know I'll never be perfect, she shouts in her head, but I know I've done my best to be a good daughter. Would it really kill her to show a little appreciation for the stuff I have worked hard to accomplish only for her?

To be criticized and ridiculed by other people is bad enough but what more when it's actually done by the one who claims to be the flesh of your flesh and the blood of your blood. It would hurt a hundred, even a thousand times more when painful words about you would come out from your own mother's lips. Cuts and burns are easier to fix than a broken self esteem and a bruised ego caused by the tormenting insults from the one you look up to. The more you hold your ground to fight for what you think is right, the more you falter. You are a rebel fighting without a cause. For in every situation your mother or father says you are dead wrong then there is not a chance in the world that you will ever be right to them. There are even others who know they are wrong and yet they will never admit to that.

The sad reality is starting to sink in her mind even more. But still she prays it'll all change. For she would have never been born if it weren't for her mother. She's thankful for the gift of life still despite of how she is treated. That's how much of a good daughter she is. She can never hate her forever even if she really wanted to. Because at the end of the day, all she really wants is for her mother to appreciate her. To care for her. To understand her. And to love her most of all.

And so she throws herself on her pillows as a form of surrender, as the rain started to pour, simultaneously her tears started to roll down her cheeks in defeat.  

~myeviltwin