Question

...Why?

In all things that I could not understand and for all reasons I can't thoroughly grasp, I tend to question why it is all happening to me.

Everyone has their ups and downs but when the downs just keep coming and when I'm in too deep, I wonder how much of a bad person I am to deserve all the troubles I'm going through. It's easy for people to say that the big guy up there's trying to test my faith. He wouldn't give me something I can't handle. I hear myself say; yeah right! How long does he plan to challenge my faith, would that be up until I don't have any left? Does he really want that to happen? I'm not much of a religious person as you can see. I do believe though that there is someone far greater than me out there. I don't know what his deal with me is but I sometimes wish he would step back and give me a break. 

Do you ever feel like the whole universe is conspiring to always get you to quit on life?

You have a problem and just when it gets solved, another one comes in and just throws you out of balance completely. Sometimes I wish I'd have the solutions to all my problems. What I wouldn't give for a cheat code or something to get me through tough times. If scientists can build ultra magnetic and what not time bombs, engineers can build more than a 10-story building, if Superman discovered you can wear tights and briefs on the outside, then why can't we have cheat sheets for various difficult situations too much for a person to handle!?

But then I retrace my thoughts, clear my head, and stop to actually think maturely. If I did have the answers to everything then I might as well be dead by now. If you ask me how I came to that morbid conclusion well it's simple really. If I had cheat codes to my problems, if the world is so damn perfect, if there's no more room needed for self improvement, then what the hell am I here in the world for?

People who usually go first are the good ones who have nothing left to contribute in the world because they've done their time and paid their dues. Those of us left, well, we're still trying to figure out what we're here for. And I guess through each of the problems we encounter and single-handedly or with the help of others unravel, we find a piece of the large puzzle we're trying to discover and a clue for our actual purpose. To minimize death tolls due to suicide or increase of patients in psychiatric wards, we should all learn not to always try to make sense out of something that does not make sense at the moment. There is a rational explanation for everything. Those people who are patient enough will surely be rewarded by being given the reason why a certain situation has happened in the end.

A friend of mine told me at one time that for every muscle you tear or bone you break, once it heals, it becomes stronger. And with that logic I come to make out that for each troublesome catastrophe that blows up on each of us, when we actually survive and live to tell the tale, we too become stronger in both heart and mind. 

What does not break our soul, keeps us alive.

~myeviltwin