Alive

The termination of an activity or goal of an action. The end.

You race to go to work on time. You race to finish a work load of assignment. You race to get that good parking spot. You race to attain something of significance and sometimes of insignificance. Life is one hell of a race. As much as possible you have to be the first in everything because being left behind makes you feel like a total loser. Not only for one's own sake but other factors such as all these fast pace development around just makes you want to keep moving too. Remaining stagnant would seem like forever, we'd start to fidget and find something worthwhile to do. If boredom could kill then we'd be all swarmed with flies, dead, stiff, and cold. 

I went to another session of Expressive Arts Therapy, it's been awhile since I last attended. I've been busy with school work, on the job training, exams, and not to mention other stuff not related to school. Every morning became such a burden. I literally had to drag myself out of bed, forcing my brain to stop making excuses. There is no time to waste. I need to do this or that, need to finish this and that, my schedule's fully booked. I feel like a puppet and other people are holding on to the strings that allow me to move. I do their every command with no hesitation. Yes, my life sucks indeed.

The game during the session was racing. Here we go again, I thought. But then the rules changed. Instead of running fast, you needed to run slow. The slowest wins the race. What a peculiar turn of events. And so the game began, being one of the young people in the group, my friends and I decided to make it more interesting. To make ourselves run slower, we would do the robot moves. We were the last 3 people in the race, go effin' tripod! Then I started to get bored and so I ran fast to the finish line. I left my 2 friends behind and eventually they followed my lead. So much for wanting to take things slow.

Someday when I actually get my head on straight, I plan to drop everything and go somewhere. Leave everything behind, disappear, get lost and live. It's not that I'm running away from it all. It's more of like, I need a break from it all. I'm getting used to living with the fast growing lifestyle and that's a bad thing. I may be standing tall but I'm actually living the life everyone expects me to live. 

Living life to the fullest means not putting to waste each second that passes you by. It also entails that you actually live for you alone, live because you want to and not because you have to. If racing is a way of life then I wish to unlearn it. I won't be able to live by dashing off from here to there faster than the speed of light now, would I? It's not a race. It's just life.

And so for this moment, I close my eyes and take a breath. 

~myeviltwin